Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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