I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
