was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there was a trapeze. enough said
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize