I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
