clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
