If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
