so let's talk penis.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
