i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
