You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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