I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
