Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
