I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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