i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
