I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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