Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
