i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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