I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
