Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
