Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I understand Curling. That high.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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