Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
