ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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