I just pynch a tree in the face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just had sex on a roof
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
