So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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