I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
