im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
