i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
