you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ttyl tear gas
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
