I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
