That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
