so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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