She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
