I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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