when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
