Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
