If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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