why didn't you poke me back
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pants are for mortals
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