Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
