We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
