somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
