I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
