Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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