i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
