He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize