If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
