I love black thongs
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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