I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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