Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He shit in the fireplace
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
