There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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