He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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