There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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