I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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