It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
