I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
