I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize