The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
