I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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