yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
