Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
