What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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