dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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