I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
