I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
