so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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