whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
