Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
the raccoons are back...
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