My hand turned me down
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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