Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my liver is dry heaving
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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