I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
