Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
