4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
