they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
