Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
