I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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