i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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