you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Text me some of your sweat
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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