saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
