I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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