You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
