I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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