this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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