I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
