I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Randomize
