I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
