This girl is more easily done than said...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize