i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
