I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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