It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
