am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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