ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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