so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
