I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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