Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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