My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
