i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
