i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
