why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
