Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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