Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
