my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize