Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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